First Roadkill

I started life as a public health doctor in Chuncheon. This will last for three years as substitute to the mandatory military service all men of South Korea need to serve. As I live in Seoul, getting stationed in Chuncheon was probably one of the best options. Chuncheon has quite a few public health doctors stationed since it is one of the bigger cities. Naturally, being the new guy, I was selected to work in a public health center branch office located nearly 40 minutes away from downtown. Lots of winding roads and mountain sides keep me company as I drive to and fro home during the weekends. I try not to drive downtown too much during the weekdays, but every now and then, I head out to play basketball or learn jiu jitsu. 

I was heading home late one night. Headlights were the only source of vision I had. Suddenly, I saw a tiny rabbit dash across the road in front of me. My immediate reaction was to slow down and assumed it safe for the rabbit to cross without harm. The problem was that there was another rabbit tailing. By the time both were out of my sight, below the car, I heard a gentle "crunch." I guess I should have stopped altogether, but to my defense, the rabbit was the size roughly of my fist. In addition, I genuinely was surprised. 

In that brief second I debated if I should stop the car in the middle of the road to see what had happened, but I realized it would be more dangerous to actually do so as there could be cars coming behind. To tell you the truth, I was a bit scared too. I wondered if there would be any remains left in the wheel, spots of blood perhaps (I did check the back wheel; there were no remains). I got home quickly with a sense of bitterness of mind. I thought about the countless times I had killed tiny bugs without the slightest sense of grief. I wondered why it was that I felt so bad. Was it because a rabbit was bigger in size with added loads of cuteness? If I had felt so bad killing off a tiny wildlife, how bad must have the war veterans felt? PTSD jumped right out of the textbook and into my life. 

As I laid in bed, I felt like the spirit of the animal whirled around and in front of me. It could have been the summer weather that kept me up for a couple of hours that night. It could have been my guilt. 

The next day, I drove by the road again and saw a few remains of the animal. It was sort of a closure for me. I had not had nightmares for it, but it definitely left a mark in my mind. I was faint of heart. I still was too young. I still needed to learn a lot more.